Blogger Widgets

12/14/12

WTF Friday: Episode 8 ~ If I Won a Million Dollars

So I've been invited to participate in a really cool club called The Secret Subject Swap, hosted by Baking in a Tornado.  By invited, I mean I totally invited myself and wasn't booted at the door even though my name wasn't on the list. 

Secret Subject Swap is much like a Secret Santa party, except with blog topics.  Your topic is chosen by the Secret Subject Swap gods (i.e. Karen, at Baking in a Tornado) from a pool of topics submitted by all participating bloggers. She tells you what your topic is, but no one else knows.  And on a chosen day, you all reveal your posts about your given topic.  My topic was submitted by Dinosaur Superhero Mommy, and is "Whoa, you won one million in the lottery... what do you do?"

So...

The prudent part of me would invest some in mutual funds; ELSS's and ULIP's and what not.  I'd invest some in a business start-up (I hear One Classy Motha is coming up with some patent-pending Beaver Babies... a learning tool that has a hilarity factor of about a billion). I'd give a little to stem cell research and I'd invest in the grey sweat sock industry (long story). And lastly, I'd invest in Ann Taylor.  Why?  Because they make pants.

I'd also give my folks a chunk.  I figure they earned it after 30-odd years of my crap.  And I'd send a hunk to Mr. Martini's folks too.  We're not talking like I'm all giving and philanthropic.  We're talking enough to buy a new TV, or to go on a short vacation, or something. Okay fine.  A new car.  And a fancy watch.  But the bulk would be invested.

The real me (read: not prudent, take-the-money-and-run-around-like-an-idiot-screaming-"I'm-Rich-Bitch" me) would go to Vegas and bet on black.  I'd buy a Jaguar, just so I could say I drive a Jag-u-ar, pronounced like they do in the commercials, which is not at all like anyone, anywhere pronounces it. I would buy a boat even though I live approx. 300 miles from the nearest body of water.  I would go to Tiffany's and try on EVERYTHING and buy NOTHING!

How much do I have left?

I would buy a pony.  I would buy an inflatable bounce house and I would have that sucker inflated ALL THE TIME!  I would buy a fur coat.  No I wouldn't.  But I'd buy a damn good fake.  I'd buy stock in Barefoot Wines.  Hell, I'd start a Pinot Grigio winery and call it I'm Rich Bitch Wines.  I would also buy at least 23 kegs of Berghoff and 190 lbs of shell-on peanuts so I could re-live my college days.

I would buy designer pants in all shapes and sizes and throw them out my car window at moms with shopping carts full of children and messy hair at the Walmart... cause I know how they feel.  I would buy 4 lbs of king crab legs and eat them all myself.  I would also by a 24 pack of toilet paper, because that kind of intestinal assault would definitely land me on the hopper for a full 2 hours.

Lastly, I would buy the rights to this song:



 Be sure to check out the other Secret Subject Swap topics and responses by clicking here.  I would tell you to vote for me, but it's not that kind of club.   

22 comments:

  1. You are SUCH an asset (no, I didn't say ass, grow up) to this group. I loved what you did with this, laughed through the whole thing. Now hurry up and send me a prompt for January!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for organizing this shindig... it is a fabulous idea and so much fun! I feel really lucky to be a part!

      Delete
  2. When I win the lottery, I know who I'm taking to Vegas with me. You know how to party. Like a boss.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know it! I haven't been formally banned from any casinos...yet.

      Delete
  3. I would get so pants-on-my-dead wasted off of your Pinot...I just know it ;) Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. "The real me (read: not prudent, take-the-money-and-run-around-like-an-idiot-screaming-"I'm-Rich-Bitch" me) would go to Vegas and bet on black" <- I do believe you and I were separated at birth. that just cracked me up. Love love love this.

    PS: Thank you for my subject. It was fun :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by! Someone reminded me about student loans, which prudent me would definitely address. Luckily I keep prudent me locked in a closet most days.

      And you did an awesome job with that prompt! I think it was kind of a tough one... you did a great job!

      Delete
  5. You did a great job with this!! Can we go halves on the Pinot Grigio winery?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You bet! I'm seeking out investors. I don't want to pay for it, or work for it. I just want to name it, drink it, and get some mad proceeds. Cool?

      Delete
  6. I am SO in with the Vegas/shopping spree. But, we can go NOW to Tiffany's and try everything on and not buy a single thing. They LOVE it when you do that. They also love it when you bring a 2 year old with a lollipop in with you to get your watch fixed and they put their sticky hands on EVERY SINGLE CASE. Yup. I know that from experience.
    Tracy @ Momaical

    ReplyDelete
  7. "I'm Rich Bitch Wines". You need to copyright that now! Wine, Vegas, AND bouncy houses? Yes, please.
    I'm glad to have found your blog through the "Swap".
    I think I'm off to find out about "Beaver Babies." How many times do you get to say that in your life?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michele,

      Thanks for stopping by! I know right? I'm looking for investors right now. I just want to own the company. I don't want to pay for it, or do any actual work. If I can make that happen, we'll all be having Rich Bitch Wines at #Wineparty ;)

      Delete
  8. "I'm Rich Bitch Wines" I want some, I hope you win. if I win (more than a million) I may have to invest

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can invest just by buying a bottle or 12 when we get the thing off the ground. I've been looking for a new project, and I think this may be it. Now I just need to find some rich people to pay for it ;)

      Delete
  9. I would SO belong to your I'm Rich Bitch wine-of-the-month club! Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, we have a name... now we just need a vineyard. I'm looking into it as we speak ;)

      Delete
  10. I was wondering who got my prompt...love how you posted this. I LOVE that song.. and would so do a few of those things too babe. Great job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the fun prompt! This is such a cool idea. I am so lucky to be a part. So much fun!

      Delete
    2. Funny. The guys that wrote that song went to high school with us kids. They first sang it at the school talent show.

      Oh and...I'm totally in on the wine. I'm not rich but if we get 1 million or so of us together we can totally fund it. And if I can't help fund it, I'm totally in on the wine of the month club.

      Delete
  11. Love this post! I hope I'm there when you're flinging designer pants out your window. I'm an eight, by the way, and I love prana yoga pants. Just sayin. ;-)

    And yes I'm just now getting around to reading it. I am a bad, bad secret swapper (actually, between the terrible national event that transpired and an early family Christmas, I barely got my own stuff done!)

    ReplyDelete

Tell me what's on your mind!

Share The Crazy!!!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...